I just wrapped up this conversation with my 5-month-old daughter while I was feeding her some blueberry applesauce.
Me: You can do this mom because you’re awesome.
Also me: You’re right Mya, I am awesome. I can do this.
A little bit of background? Sure.
Sometimes I wake up and think I’m Superwoman and by the end of the day I feel like I couldn’t be less super. Anyone else with me? This last weekend my husband and I went on a trip to California alone, it was awesome. I was getting full nights of sleep, eating warm food and I wasn’t walking through the stores constantly saying “Do not touch that!” I was feeling all kinds of refreshed when we came home and had some serious plans to take on the world. I was going to turn my blog into something instead of just this thing I randomly use sometimes. I was going to keep dishes out of my sink and laundry off of the floor so that it didn’t build up and I could spend more time with my kids. It wasn’t just going to be the same old stuff we always do together either, we were going to do fun Pinterest worthy things! Make Christmas treats to take to our friends and neighbors, have a Polar Express themed family night, and a How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie night with green candied popcorn, I was going to be a fun mom. Now before you go saying “It’s okay to not be the Pinterest mom!” let me just say that I COMPLETELY agree. I think that society makes it seem sometimes like you aren’t a good mom if you aren’t creative and crafty and don’t like doing things like that, but I DO like things like that, I just never make the time for it. I was going to make some super cute Christmas decorations for my house and learn how to make pies. I was thinking a peanut butter chocolate pie. Holy smokes, who wouldn’t love that? No one. Everyone would love that.
Doesn’t that seem like a lot of things that I wanted to do? Well, here’s some more. I was going to sleep train my baby because while she sleeps fine at night her naps are TERRIBLE. I needed to look for and implement more healthy food options for my kids instead of always just doing what was easy. Also, I’ve been wanting my hair to grow so I needed to make sure that every day I took a folic acid pill and a prenatal. I was going to make a chart that would guide my 6-year-old through the process of getting ready for school in the morning without needing so much assistance. Finally, I was going to clean up my eating habits and work harder in the gym because if we’re being honest I haven’t been working as hard as I know I should. Nothing about this list seemed overwhelming…because I’m a crazy person.
Honestly, I don’t even know why I thought that that was all going to work out but you can imagine my disappointment when the first night that we slept at home I heard the one thing no parent wants to hear in the middle of the night, the croup cough. So by some miracle, I was supposed to wake up that morning, basically change how I’ve been functioning for the past…..5 years, with not only one, but SURPRISE, TWO sick kids and then go to bed the next night feeling productive. So here we are, the next day, I got 45 minutes of sleep last night, I’ve done none of my super reasonable to-do list. My baby has taken, somewhere in the ballpark of 76 thousand 15 minute naps instead of one long one, or at least it feels that way. My 3-year-old has had about as many potty accidents because he’s not feeling well. My hair that I’ve decided to make a priority is up in a bun that is full of spit up. I haven’t been to the gym in almost a week which I haven’t done since I was on bedrest and I’m stuffing my face with whatever is convenient because I’m a zombie, so that’s cool.
And this is where we join me and my baby back with the blueberry applesauce because today would probably be pretty much the worst no matter what, but you know what didn’t make it better? My extra long freaking list of things that I was totally going to get done that is now making me feel like a failure because I am absolutely not going to get any of it done. So while I’m having a mini-meltdown session at my kitchen table in clothes that haven’t been changed since yesterday morning I’m talking with my baby, who was the best option because she can’t object, about how I’m awesome and how I can do this. Ultimately, what I’m getting at I suppose is that wanting to accomplish things and feel productive is such a healthy thing, it’s natural for anyone to want progress. Reality though says that some days you’re going to be a straight-up rock star and some days getting out of bed is going to seem impossible. Some days you’re going to go to the gym and run as far as you want and lift more than you ever have and other days you’re going to want to stay home and eat nothing but those pies that you figured out how to make all by yourself. Allowing yourself to conquer the world in a 2 item to do list each day is better than feeling like the world is crashing down on you because you thought you could do 47 things in 12 hours, maybe even less if you’re like me and are grouchy if you’re up past 9.
Do the things you want. Scrapbook more. Take more pictures. Organize your pantry. Clean out your closet…I should add this one to my to-do-list, just not today. Make a savings account so that you can travel more, learn how to crochet and make your favorite food that grandma always made at Christmas time. Write in a journal, cuddle your kids to sleep, get a babysitter and try that new Thai restaurant you’ve been eyeing. Do it all, just don’t be the villain in your own story of success by giving yourself 30 boxes to check off today because now you can’t even be proud of the 3 that you did check off. When the world decides that it’s going to give you sick kids on the day you were to execute project “I’ve totally got this,” it’s okay to say “I’ll conquer the world tomorrow.” You’re Superwoman even if the most you accomplished today was putting your kid’s toys and snacks down low so that they could reach them because you don’t feel like you have it all together.
So today, the biggest thing I accomplished was feeding my baby girl solids, which I’ve been putting off because it’s so frustrating and messy sometimes. I’m feeling grateful today for the conversations that I have with my 5-month-old little girl that remind me that I can do this, because I’m awesome.